To be or not to be...

In the loving memory of someone who showed me to work hard, to fight for what you believe in, to never give up and to keep on smiling…

To be or not be...

 Can you BE extremely happy and BE extremely sad at the same time?  Can emotions overlap in your heart and leave you confuse and questioning the true meaning of “to be or not to be”?

Again, being able to truly describe being here is a challenge.  Being a Peace Corps Volunteers is a challenge in every way.  By that I mean that everything that happens to us, is often maximize and very extreme.  So when I am sad, I am extremely sad and when happy I am on a high…on cloud 7. 

My last update was in July and since then, I have been in and out of things.  Things that has left me speechless and things that have taken my breath away.  I often try to remind myself to remember. Remember how beautiful the sunset looks over the Kavango River.  Remember how Owamboland looks like an oasis full of Palm trees amongst a mass of water and desert sand.  Remember the smell of the first rain of the season.  Remember the smell of the rain on the mahangu stalk.  Remember the laugh of your neighbor’s adorable son and the birds chirping in the morning.  Remember how the cool morning breeze caresses your skin after a long hot night.  These are only a small fraction of the things that I absolutely love about Namibia…yes love.  I am in love, in love with the land of my ancestors that I longed to know.  The land that has welcomed me in so many ways and that has opened its arms to me...mother land that opened up her heart and home to me despite her struggle.  What more can I ask for?  Can I continue to be mad at the world when things don’t go my way or when someone rubs me the wrong way?  Can I overlook the fact that in any village, country, continent that you are in, you encounter situations and people that are just too much?  But do we give up and do we forget the beauties that that village, country and continent offered to us?  I don’t think so, I won’t subject myself to creating animosity towards a place just because of incidences that may have happened.  In life there are struggles and pain but for every struggle and for everything that causes pain, there are even more and greater things that triggers happiness in our lives and in our hearts which in turns develops love…unconditional love.  So let’s try to remember everything that triggers this happiness and love in our hearts.  That is what I want to live for.  I want to grow from the pain and learn from my struggles but most of all I want to remember every single moment that makes my heart smile.

September 24^th 2011 was a day that I was looking forward to for a long time.  It has been a special day in my life especially for the past 12 years.  This day is a special day in my family as we celebrate the life of our grandmother who is in her 90’s and of our precious little baby Chloe who is just growing way too fast for me lol.  This year, it also marked the beginning and continuance of true love between my great

friend Melissa and her now husband Joel.  So you see September 24^th creates a burst of joy and happiness for me but life always throws your curves balls when you least expect it.  I have to try to always remind myself that in life everything has a beginning also has an end, and as much as we do not want the end to come we have to force ourselves to accept it.  With that said September 24^th also now represents something else.  A day that my heart was full of happiness and sadness.  Wedding and a funeral: How can you deal with being so far away from home and loved ones when two extreme things are happening?  As I am typing this, I realized that I did deal with this and I’ve dealt with it the best way I knew how to.  You can’t expect life to be sweet and peachy all the time but you can expect that the day will go on; the sun will set…the sun will rise and tomorrow will be a better day.  You realize that you just have to let the tears down, free your heart and soul of this untouchable pain that can leave you in agony.  You remind yourself that in life you have to remember and hold on to everything that brings your joy.  Do not forget the struggles and the pain, they make us understand ourselves better, they help us grow but don’t hold on to them because you will not be able to live with the beauty of memories and of the present.  In so September 24^th of this year brought on two more things for me but I choose to let the joyous events outshine.  My dear friend Chantale does not deserved to be remembered just by that day.  My years in college were brighten up by her smile and her ambition.  Her kindness and willingness to help taught me quality life lessons that has helped me be a better person.  Our endless hours of dancing outside of the reitz, our trips around FL, and the amazing memories we created through the Club Creole family is what I will hold on to.  Without those times with you Chantoutou I would not have been who I am, I wish I wish I wish to tell you this in person, I hoped you knew and I hope you know now, and I also hope that all my other friends and family know that they are also are part of my heart.

 I may not have a typical life (who does anyway) with a typical family, typical job or typical romance endeavors but what I do know is that I am blessed and lucky in the sense that I have the most amazing family and friends that are special to me in their own way.   Somebody once thanked me for my support after a hard time for them but then asked me:  “ Peggy, who supports you, who helps you, who does what you do for me?” and at that time I dint know how to really say but today I know that every single one of my friends and members of my family has molded me and shaped me into the person I am today.  I owe everything to you…yes you.  Every day of my life here in Namibia you help me to just keep on keeping on.

So thank you.

See below for a series of pictures to see how I am doing and what I have been up to....

                                              Our second kids day: August 2011

                                              HUGE beet roots: Kids day August 2011

                                             Helping Anna prepare tons of carrots:Kids day

                                            Jack Jack Jackie dancing with the kids :)

 

@ Emily and Desmund's wedding :)

Beautiful beyond words, had an amazing time to say the least!

 

                                                             With my friends and the kiddies :)

                                     Back @ Omuthitu with friends after killing and eating the goat :)

Meme, Tate Kulu Spence and I :)

 Thanks for visiting and reading my blog, hope you enjoy the pics miss you thikuma :)

xoxo Peggy

Lately...

HIV/AIDS Prevention and Education is...

...patience
...dedication
...Team work
...Being flexible
...1 on 1 interactions
...agreeing to disagree
...non-traditional teaching
...expecting the Unexpected
...fighting for what you believe
...accepting things that you do not understand
...learning that your ways or ideas aren’t always the right ones
...teaching that everyone should demand to be respected
...helping youth(and older people) realize that they matter
...building confidence through skills learning and sharing
...pushing through the hard days when nothing makes sense
...helping youth realize that they can be the best no matter what
...helping others understand what is it in their life that puts them at risk
...remembering that nobody is perfect and that tomorrow WILL be better

After being asked to put a poster together(regarding my work in the village) for an All Volunteer Conference, I thought about what HIV/AIDS prevention and education is to me and how exactly am I "teaching" that to people in my village. Above are some things that I thought about, there are a million of explanations and ways that other volunteers or people in general are using in order to "teach" people about HIV and such. I put "teach" in parenthesis because, I don't believe that I am a "teacher" to be exact, and I certainly do not only believe in just traditional ways of teaching. I think at some point before I joined the Peace Corps and during our first couple of months in country during training, there was an expectation that what we will be doing is finding people in our community to form groups in orders to have sessions about HIV. But what does that really mean? Is it expected that every week or so, I will meet with these different groups to deliver information about HIV. Is that all? Is that very productive and effective. Maybe it is but what else should HIV/AIDS prevention and education involved? As our HIV/AIDS coordinator said, we have past the point of "just teaching" about HIV, we need action, we need behavior change. I to have done "traditional teaching sessions" about HIV but for the past couple of months I have realized and felt that I have been going about it the wrong way. Just as a young child learn about many things about life in different settings or through different things, I think that I should also change the way I go about this.

So...to better explain, let me just say that I can no longer just stand in front of people to "just" talk about HIV. Over 75% of Namibians know what HIV is and the modes of transmission, so does that mean that it is beneficial or enjoyable for them to hear a Haitian-American girl speak English with a weird accent about something they have heard thousand of times. Yes some may argue that, that sounds impossible since people are still getting infected with HIV. I do ask myself that all the time, however, there are many many many other factors (which I will not get into today...maybe one day) that contributes to the rise of HIV infections. Moreover, I like to think back on my life and thing about what molded me. What did my parents/family keep me from, what did they teach me, what did they not allow me to do? What influenced me, what TV shows/movies did i watch or what type of music did I listen to? Who were my role models? Why and how did I decide not to do certain things? How many of my teachers truly invested their time on me? etc... I like to think about these things before I plan something with the youth I work with (the health club). I like to question myself and see what exactly are they going to get out of these activities. I also like to give them 1-1 attention.
Lately, I have been pushing them to get more involved in their community. It is said that:

"Through quality service experiences, youth can develop important skills such as critical thinking, a sense of civic responsibility, and an increased sense of self efficacy that will be useful to them throughout their lives. The sense that they can, and should, participate in their communities creates a strong foundation for their future. In addition to the civic and academic skills benefits, studies are starting to suggest the connection youth make to community members, their educators, and other classmates can impact their decisions and abilities to graduate from high school. Youth engagement in a community, especially when tied to the curriculum and when the youth are given an active voice, can be an enormous benefit to the path of not only the youth’s future, but the community's future as well."

with that I hope to really have an opportunity to build up their character, their confidence and give them an opportunity to have an active role not only in the club but also in their community. In addition to that, I like to talk about random topics that aren't necessarily tied to HIV but that are essentially an important factor to developing their "life skills". Sharing ideas amongst volunteers and my co-workers at work is also really great. I love that I can totally change what I planned to do to incorporate experiences and advices from others. It is difficult to talk to some kids about certain topis sometimes (like condoms, sex, love ect...and even teach them health skills like how to take pulse or use a computer) And after many of them told me that they heard that Love stood for "Lady Open Vagina Everyday", it became clear that these topics had to be brought up several times. Let me be clear and say that not everybody in my community have these thoughts nor believe that, it is just unfortunate that this phrase was made up and that some kids have gotten a hold of it. Just as in the states their are many unfortunate things that the youth fall into. Anyways, topics like these do not usually involved the youth and if they are not hearing the real truth about them, where should they go and get the facts, clearly not only amongst them since the phrase Lady Open Vagina Everyday was made up. I am not one with all the answers or the perfect life, and I make sure to tell them that. What I do know though is that in life there are some things that we should not tolerate. Such as being disrespected, being forced to do things we don't want or don't feel ready to do...to name a few.

I hope that I am somehow getting through to them. I am asked how do I monitor and evaluate them and to tell you the truth there is no precise or best way for me to do so. It is sometimes hard to see if they all understand or comprehend what I say, since even after 6 months they are very quiet, so quiet that sometimes I die a little inside. Anyways some of them participate and really asks me questions that helps me realize that they are thinking. So i go with that but most times I repeat the same sessions every couple months are so. After all repetition does work....right?

Besides all this work mambo jambo lol, I am doing well. August is suppose to be the last month of winter so I am looking forward to summer SOOOOO much, i don't think I can explain in words how excited i am lol. The day time is really not that bad, let me not let my exaggeration get the best of me lol but really at night and in the early mornings...its cold :(.

As far as language learning, Kuna ku kambadhara...I am trying really. We are suppose to start some nifty nutrition classes with pregnant women...one day, so I think I am going to write down my parts in Thimbukushu on an index card then just read it when the day comes. There is a great possibility that my pronunciation will be ...not so good and that people will laugh lol but ill keep you updated with that lol.

I must admit...I am not good at really up keeping my blog i should not lie to myself or you...but i will say that...kuna ku kambadhara.

Until next time my friends and lovers!

Smile like you mean it :)

Karepo Thiwana!

...With love ♥

Ngepi?

I know I know, I promised I would have written pretty often but sometimes putting everything that I do, see and feel here is a bit hard but I will try just for you :).

Everyday when I wake up, I realize how completely in love I am with my life. It is really a special feeling that I hope you guys are able to experience and if you are not experiencing it now, I know one day you will. If you asked me one year ago, where I thought I would be today, their would have been absolutely no way for me to even begin to try to imagine that I would be here. Not just physically here in Namibia but also emotionally and mentally "here".

Yesterday on my way back home after a meeting as we were driving towards the sun set, all I could see how absolutely beautiful life really is. Despite everything that goes on in our lives, the troubles, the turmoil, the sadness and the pain...despite all of that there are soo many little things that were created to constantly remind us that life is beautiful. We have the power to ultimately take everything that happens to us and turn them into positives things. Everyday no matter what, the sun rises and sets and for me that is a constant reminder that even if I had a bad day, I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better.

As usual work as has been busy but I absolutely love it. I could not have asked for anything else. I always told myself I hope one day when I work, I hope that I will be happy to wake up every day in the morning even when I am tired. and yep by 5:30am/6am whether I am tired or not I wake up and go to work to try and help somebody somehow.

These days I am not seeing the students as much. They have been doing exams and now they are off for vacation or holiday as they like to call it here. However, some new opportunities for me to keep busy has presented itself. Last week, I was mostly helping with planning for a training for the members of the support group. The training came about because the clinic has been enrolled in a program that will provide support to kids infected and affected by HIV. Especially the kids that are on ART (anti retro viral treatment). This programs recruits volunteers that will be working closely with those kids and their caregivers as well. It is very important that all the needs of the kids are met. It is very good that they are always coming for follow up and for their medicine...but is that enough? I think that this program is very important because their is so much that kids have to deal with on a daily basis here in the village. However they are barely ever given the opportunity to express how they feel. What is also hard and complicated in that situation is that most kids do not even know that they have HIV. So that within itself is another big topic that needs to be addressed with the caregivers of these kids.
Planning for this training drained me mentally. I realized how hard this can actually be. Not doing the training itself but presenting this information and really trying to support these people emotionally. What got to me is that, I am presenting this information to people that are already living with the virus and that knows the hardship of that life. Now I have to try and explain to them how to deal with kids that are infected based just on what I have studied and what I have read. All these thoughts were going through my mind while trying to find best ways to present the information for the training. Thankfully, like I may have said in my previous post, I am extremely thankful for my amazing co-workers. Working with my co-workers and sharing my emotions with them is really helpful. I am very determine to never ever do anything by myself here. So every topic that I was coming up with, I was also presenting them and brainstorming with the senior counselor and the social worker. Being able to work with them to make sure that I am not just doing what "I" think is right is important. Together we are able to take cultural norms into consideration, we shared our ideas and decided what will work best for that group. So by me sharing my experiences working with kids in general and by them sharing their experiences working at the clinic we were able to finalize a program that will help those volunteers be successful when they interact with the kids and their caregivers.


So far the 4 people that we are training are a good group. They are part of the support group and very good to work with. They are very open about sharing their feelings and seem to be receiving the info that we are giving them very well. With that said the training went really well. For the month of may they will just be coming every day to do hands on training then will start their respective task in June.

So what else is new???I have to say this post above was written maybe 2-3 weeks ago and I am just now trying to wrap this post up. I have been in out of my village for workshops and Peace Corps business now for the month of work, I will just be here working...I am looking forward to next month because my social life is looking good because of some other great volunteers that I have met and I will be seeing one of my friend from my group :)

OOO! so I TOTALLY had a breakthrough yesterday with the group of youth that usually meet with twice a week. IDK if I have posted about that group before but I have had some serious sessions with this group that has left me completely defeated and that made me seriously question my purpose here in Namibia. I think what was hard is that when discussing certain topics like (why should a girl carry a condom, or why should a girl initiate sex or why is it ok for guy's to cheat), is that I just dint know what to tell them. I am not here to judge them or to tell them that their culture is bad, that really inst my place nor my purpose here but dang I just dint know what to say I was speechless because 1) one guy said that "yes it is ok to cheat on his girl friend as long as she never finds out then he is respecting her and he is not hurting her and 2) a girl completely and seriously told the whole group that she was only made for sex and if her husband/boyfriend wants to initiate sex and not use a condom then it is ok. so yea I was completely speechless. Ultimately I just repeated the fact that "I am not here to judge them or to tell them that their culture is bad, that really inst my place nor my purpose here but remember that no matter what, you always have a say in a relationship and just as the world is changing there also changes that you need to make for yourself, and if there are some things in your culture that can potentially put you at risk to HIV then you HAVE to take that into consideration and decide for yourself what is right. That day I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, the next couple of times I went...same things were being said, needless to say my patience and my positive attitude were being challenged alllll the time...but yesterday wowzers I HAD A BREAKTHROUGH with them...it was a great feeling. Last week, I started using an HIV teaching tool created by some other organizations and it worked really well. It is basically a movie called "Three and a half Lives of Phillip Wetu", which shows how this guy Phillip has many sexual partners. The good thing about this movie is that it is very interactive and there is a pause after each scene and the audience has to choose what they think Phillip will do next....anywhoo back to the breakthrough. At the end of the film we had a really good conversation about why they thought the movie was good. Some of the guys that were so set in stone about topics regarding sex and condoms, were bringing up the topic of girls carrying condom and were saying that yes it unacceptable for a girl and a guy alike (who has a significant other) to carry a condom and that it is ok for both sex to carry a condom if they are single. It was very surprising to hear them say that because I never thought in a million years that he would even consider the thought. Although some others were still a bit reluctant to completely say it I still think it was a breakthrough even if it was small. I have about one month left with that group so I soooo hopeful that every time they have sex they will think twice about what they are doing and they will choose to do the right thing.

ok I hope that this updates finds you well, i will try my hardest to keep up with it more...

I put some pics on facebook check them out now now!

ps. Hopefully I will start with Thimbukushu language classes next week so more vocab words to come soon lol.

in the mean time...Kare po thiwana

Peace & Love my people :)

...plz excuse my english... there are some errors in my writting lol